Drink 3, Rod Allen Just Mentioned Talking to Monroe in Batting Practice

I started writing this blog for the same reason that everyone else writes a blog; that is, to pick up babes. So far, that hasn't really panned out but it has allowed me to get in contact with people potentially nerdier then me that for whatever reason read this somewhat regularly. I feel that so far my coverage of this year has been "sucky" and I've been letting down the geeksquad. My reason for this, like everyone else, I was completely wrapped up in the Anna Nicole Smith baby daddy drama. I wish that this story could have lasted forever, but, it's come to an end. Thank goodness there is no other important national news like war(s) or genocides to distract me. So, the Tigers come home from a 10 game roadie with a 7-5 record.

For some unknown reason, the Tigers decided to go back to the deadball era. Our 4 normal starters have been Christy Matthewsonesque with their starts so far. Unfortunately Chad Durbin has been Nata Cornejoesque so far this season. I see him getting one more start and then future 15 game winner Wilfredo Ledezma will take his spot. You can bet on that happening.

With all the deserved hoopla going on about the celebration of the 60th anniversary of Jackie Robinson breaking the color barrier, I thought it would be a good day to honor someone else who made great strides for equality in major league baseball. The first major league baseball player with a vagina, AJ Pierzynski. He continues to overcome enormous obstacles in that nobody likes or has respect for him. I searched Aj Pierzynski on youtube, and not surprisingly this video http://youtube.com/watch?v=mj50-Iy2GCk is one of the first that come up. Here's another account of his douchebaggery from Bruce Jenkins who is the beat writer for the Giants gives his account of what happened when Aj fouled a ball off of his vagina.

"One of those now-it-can-be-told stories the White Sox, A.J. Pierzynski's new
employer, surely haven't heard: During a Giants exhibition game last spring,
Pierzynski took a shot to his, shall we say, private parts. Trainer Stan Conte
rushed to the scene, placed his hands on Pierzynski's shoulders in a reassuring
way, and asked how it felt. "Like this," said Pierzynski, viciously delivering a
knee to Conte's groin. It was a real test of professionalism for the enraged
Conte, who vowed to ignore Pierzynski for the rest of the season until Conte
realized how that would look. The incident went unreported because all of the
beat writers happened to be doing in-game interviews in the clubhouse, but it
was corroborated by a half-dozen eyewitnesses who could hardly believe their
eyes. Said one source, as reliable as they come: "There is absolutely no doubt
that it happened."

The Tigers head back to Comerica park for a 2 series homestand against the Missouri's own, Kansas City Royals and the cheese dicks from Chicago. At 7-5 when you've played 10 away games I'll take this record. But, it sure would be awfully neat if some of our players could hit over .150 sometime soon.

Go tigers.

Tigers vs.Those Guys That Sang Dust in the WInd

Watching Magglio Ordonez in the 8th inning the other night was like watching a lost child in a mall. Lot's of confusion, lots of unnecessary movement which mercifully came to a happy conclusion. He did not receive an error that inning, but he misplayed 3 balls terribly and almost got hit in the head on the 4th ball.

I should have known he was going to have a rough go of it to start. At opening day, Magglio took RF and actually seemed kind excited to be out there. Usually, some drunk will yell at him from the bleachers and he'll turn around and just stare awkwardly into nothing...it's hard to explain, but somehow it's an awkward situation. Anyways, him and Granderson are playing catch. Ordonez obviously misses a throw from Granderson and goes to retrieve the ball. Granderson, thinking the warm up was over turned to Monroe and was talking to him. Slater, then retrieves the ball and throws a 200 foot missile that misses concussing Granderson by a foot. Needless to say, Magglio was the first Tiger booed in 2007.

The Tigers are 1-1. In actuality they were the better team opening day, and a worse team the second game that they won. The third game, both teams decided to sip hot cocoa and skip the game the game altogether.

We now travel to a unanimous top 5 choice for least interesting state, Kansas. They are from Kansas city, and their nickname is the Royals. That is dumb. KC is one of the most consistent teams in all of baseball. Over the last decade, every aspect of their team has been consistently lousy. Mike Sweeney is their "MVP," but, if I was a betting man I'd wager that he'll miss 110 games atleast with cramps or something stupid.

In some overlooked news, Guillen signed a 4 year contract to stay a Tiger. We probably paid him less then he wanted but did give him 4 years. This is good news, mostly because he's been our most consistent player the last couple of years, and less importantly my sleazy all-star Guillen jersey is still relevant and does not need to be retired.