Friday, June 04, 2010

The Traveshamockery

Alright, I've watched an unhealthy amount of ESPN/MLB Network in the last day or so. I'm going to lose it. If i hear the phrases "pandora's box," "dangerous precedent," or "baseball purist" one more time I will find that persons residence and do this to their favorite light colored sitting area.

Let's break it down. Starting with the pandora's box and dangerous precedent lines. Like, it would set a bad precedent to get the call right. Obviously it's impossible to correct something that affected the winner or loser of a game. No one expects that, at all. It has absolutely zero to do with what happened the other night. So, since you are the commissioner you write up some rule that only affects egregious mistakes that had no outcome on the winner or loser of the game...Just so you know, that basically leaves Galarraga's perfect game as the lone candidate for change. I can't imagine anyone would oppose this.

Crediting Galarraga with a perfect game does not lessen the achievement or taint it at all. He retired 27 straight batters fair and square. No one would sanely argue otherwise. If this situation happened anytime before the the 27th out, I'd feel differently. This is the rarest of circumstances. When the ump admits the mistake, when the Commissioner of the league admits might be about time to show some common sense.

Click here (sadly, that was the best I could find. But you get the point) or you are not allowed to read this paragraph... Pretend we are living in a time with few laws. I see you walking down the street, and for no rhyme or reason I chainsaw off your hands. I am the only person who has ever chainsawed off anyone's hands in the history of this world. This was such a bizarre thing that happened that there was no law against it. The police saw this, obviously you were apart of this, and I admit I was deeply wrong for what I did. But, no law exists. So, do we immediately correct this? Or let me go free, and then vow to look into a way of making a law that future chainsaw hand attacks will not go unpunished?

Also, saying no precedent exists is just factually wrong. In 1991 baseball Commissioner Fay Vincent set up a panel that "overturned 50 no-hitters." HIT ME. Also, the famous George Brett pine tar game. The Ump incorrectly threw Brett out of the game, and they picked up on the game 3.5 weeks later from that point in the game.

Anyone that calls themselves a baseball purist or uses that defense is a dumbfuck. Baseball purists are the dopes that were probably upset when players started using gloves, baseball was integrated and we started playing night games. If we have the technology and common sense to get the call right, then do it. I swear some of these idiots should watch soap opera's instead of baseball if they really like the drama of an old man who has not visited Dr. Rahmani deciding a black or white incident.

I'm sorry, but this other thing about "learning a great lesson" from this is absurd. The only lesson I learned is life is unfair. Every kid who's picked up a baseball has dreamed of throwing a perfect game. The dream never ends with you being ruined by umpire incompetence on the 27th out. I'd bet your chainsawed arms that Galarraga is never flirting with a perfect game ever again. In baseball history there has been about 200,000 overall games played. Let's say there has been about 20 perfect games. The probability of throwing a perfect game is .001%. Perfect games are insane. There is a good reason a Tiger has *never thrown a perfect game in over 100 years. Sadly, the chances are good we might never see another perfect game by a Tiger for the rest of our lives. This is the pinnacle single game achievement in all of sports.

Also, this nonsense about learning what a "great guy" Galarraga is from this game annoys the hell out of me. Like, he would not be a "great guy" if he pitched a perfect game. Also, how we are supposed to feel great about Joyce admitting his mistake. Well, no shit! He blew it clear as day. He'd be a moron to say otherwise. That's not to say I don't feel sympathy for him, I do, a great amount. This is the only thing this man will be known for. I will know his name for all the wrong reasons. He'll live a rough life where dolts make threats against him for the rest of his life. What a heart warming story that is going to be. Seriously, all it would have taken was Selig to acknowledge that what we saw happened, actually happened. He'd be a footnote instead of the most infamous Ump since Denkinger. Incredibly, Selig's call is even worse then Joyce's call in this situation.

I'll admit that Galarraga's "perfect game" WILL receive a lot more attention then the other 20 perfect games. Some are happy with that, and I can see their point of view. Personally though, it makes me sick. For the rest of my life I will never forget watching this game. Sadly, the first thing I will remember is the call and everybody admitting that what we saw we now have to unsee according to the record books. I don't know why seeing Galarraga's name in a steroid infested record book would make me feel better, but it would, a lot.

Thursday, June 03, 2010

28 Up, 28 Down

Today was my mom's birthday. We had a nice dinner and watched the game together. Both of us wouldn't change seats or mention what we knew was going on. Didn't want to jinx it. The second that call went wrong...I swore a lot, and then immediately stormed out and did not say a word. It was probably about the rudest thing I've ever done. So, that's another thing for Joyce to feel miserable about.

Armando Galagarbage threw a perfect game. You'd admit it, the Cleveland Indians would admit it and even Jim Joyce would admit it. What happened tonight was one of the more sickening things I've seen in sports in my lifetime. Galarraga, drafted as an Expo, a lifetime journeyman just had one of the more remarkable 9 innings in recent baseball history. He legitimately pitched a perfect game. The first one in the 107 years of Detroit baseball history. Instead, we are probably going to murder some poor, blind, mustachioed man tomorrow.

This can be made right, easily. This should be ruled a perfect game by Selig. The only reason this would not happen is because baseball is about the most archaic ruled thing ever. Some "purists" might say that going against the umpires ruling cheapens the integrity of the game. I'd easily argue that it hurts the integrity of the game much more by making us "unsee" what we all saw tonight. Also, if All-Star games can end in ties, this game can end in perfect game.

I have lots of umpires on my shitlist. When I see them, I know some screwy things are afoot. Jim Joyce...was not one of them. He made a egregious and correctable mistake...and his entire career and legacy will live in infamy for the rest of his life. He knows he f'd up, and so does baseball. Correct this, so this man can be remembered for his obscene mustache instead of his obscenely terrible call. Nobody wants to see another Denkinger situation here.

OK. That all made sense, right? But, it's not going to happen. So, Galarraga will not get credited with a perfect game. On the other hand, he did accomplish something that I would wager will never be equaled. He retired 28 batters in one game without anyone reaching base. Steve Nebraska couldn't even top that. It deserves an awesome name. I was thinking something along the line of super-sized flawless victory. Ok, that was weak, cut me some slack, i've been over served in rageahol tonight. If you got better suggestion, let me know and we will trademark it as soon as possible.
(Selig dressed as the Million Dollar Man. Admittedly has little to do with anything, but isn't your life better for seeing this?)

Monday, April 05, 2010


Rod Allen Is Back
Talked To Him Before Season
Tigers Win Pennant

Good news everyone! Spring has spruuunnngg, winter's donnnee and it's opening day. Detroit once again has a team of scrappy millionaire's ready to compete for the coveted American League Central Title.

Losing Granderson and Polanco from last years lineup places extra importance on the pitching staff. Luckily the Tigers picked up half human, half machine Max Scherzer. His spring was rough, probably due to faulty programming, but he should tuned up and ready to go this year. Word on the street is that Scherzer saw an especially beautiful sunset before leaving spring training and a single tear streamed down his robotic face. Scherzer developing the ability to feel is huge for the Tiger's 2010 prospects of success.

Cabrera looks to be poised for a big season. Supposedly all off field distractions are gone, and he is completely focused on winning the first of many triple crowns Rod Allen promised us. I have mixed feeling about this. On one hand, it's great he's comfortable and focused on earning his 150 brazillion dollar contract. On the other hand, the verb "Cabrera'd" was rapidly becoming my favorite word in the english language.

Well, I just heard the sound of the turtle. It's opening day. Eat em' up Tigers.

April In The D
Sonic Ecstasy All Month
Muted April Eighth

Monday, March 01, 2010

Tigers vs. Leather Shoes

The Florida Suckern Moccasin's take on the Tigers tomorrow. The fightin Moc's are currently the #1 ranked team in D2. Speaking of D2, here is the greatest achievement in cinema history in it's entirety Oh man, remember when Kenny Wu scores against Iceland!? You don't, well youtube does! What an underdog! But, I digress...

Leyland announced his lineup for the big game. According to the Freep, it is as follows.

• Austin Jackson, CF

• Johnny Damon, LF

Magglio Ordonez, RF

Carlos Guillen, DH

Don Kelly or Kory Casto, 3B

• Scott Sizemore, 2B

• Gerald Laird, C

• Adam Everett, SS

A couple of suprising things stick out about this line up. A Jax batting 1st followed by Beef Supreme is something to take note of. Another thing to take note of is that we are only batting 8 and playing without a first basemen. In my opinion, playing without a first basemen is a risky move.

If the Tiger's lose tomorrow, I will riot.

You can follow the game live HERE.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Justin Verlander Is Ready For 2010

Your Detroit Tigers signed the missing link, Johnny Damon to a one year contract. I’ve heard a lot of mixed reaction to this signing and to me it makes little sense. I think we can all agree before this signing we had these weaknesses…

-No leadoff hitter. I’m excited about Austin Jackson…but in the minors he struck out at a higher % then CG did in the MLB. And, his power numbers were positively Nook Loganion. And Is yet to face MLB pitching.

-Lack of lefty hitters. Carlos Guillen will get injured this year. I’d bet my hypothetical farm on it. Avila looks to probably be starting in AAA this year. In which case, utility infielder and feared slugger 5’3’’ Ramon Santiago is your lone LH bat. In a park that has a short RF fence; it’s sometimes nice to try to take advantage of that once in a while.

-Lack of offensive power. We are still below average, but we were a little over a month away at looking at a lineup that consisted of black holes of Laird, Inge, Everett, Sizemore and Jackson. And, that is hoping that we get September Magglio, a non broken Guillen, and relying on Raburn to consistently be a plus hitter. All the while providing little protection for Cabrera.

-Another thing I heard is that we overpaid for Damon. It’s a one year contract, and there is no salary cap. This should have zero impact on future spending. I think most agree we do not want Magglio’s 18 brazzilion $ option to kick in next year. He needs I believe 134 games played for it to automatically kick in. Last year he played 131. Adding Damon makes this tougher for Magglio. So, it could actually save us $ in the long run. And, if you are still upset, support the team and eat a hot and ready.

Also, Damon wears his socks high. This has already endeared him to 85% of our teams fans and should result in many more tickets sold.

-The only complaint that has some substance albeit very little to me is this takes away at bats from Raburn. Raburn had somewhat of a breakout season last year. He had a respectable average and put up good power #’s. This would have more merit to it to me if Raburn was not just about to turn 29 and showed anything resembling in the past some kind of track record that we should expect these numbers in the future. But, as a super sub and the near certainty someone playing above him will be injured he will seeing many more at bats this year.

Alright, it’s February, players reported just the other day. I am yet to see any of them wearing a Detroit Tigers jersey. So, I feel like I am definitely not out of line to tell Jim Leyland how to run his team. First off, let me get this out of the way. Almost every single batting order, pitching decision I would do the complete opposite. I’m bizarro Leyland. But, if you told me going into last year that Granderson, Polanco, Magglio, Inge, Laird, Guillen, Robertson, Willis, Bonderman, Zumaya, etc. would massively underachieve…and we’d still have a chance for the playoffs, I would think you were insane. But, we did. So, I give him credit.


1. Johnny Damon LF. Lefty bat, OBP% 40 points better then CG. Way less K’s. If you read my blog, there is a fairly good chance that you can throw better then Damon. But, his actual fielding in my opinion is fairly underrated just due to the fact that he has the throwing motion of a velociraptor.

2. Magglio Ordonez RF. Incredibly, much higher OBP% and batting average then Polanco last year. And, I’m hopeful we get Sept. Magglio.

3. Miguel Cabrera 1B. He needs as many at bats as possible. I would always bat my most feared hitter 3rd.

4. Carlos Guillen DH. If he is not on crutches by the end of this sentence it’s a small miracle. If he can regain some form and be a good LH bat protecting Cabrera it would be a major boost to our lineup.

5. Ryan Raburn 3B. Giving him his chance. He has played IF much of his career. Has the chance to prove his small sample size production last year was not an aberration.

6. Alex Avila C. Solid #’s, lefty bat. Might not be ready, but much better offensively then Laird.

7. Brandon Inge SS. Yes, SS. Your infielder with the most range and best arm should play the position where he gets the most opportunities to field the ball. I pray to Jobu nightly that we get his stats production pre all-star break from last year.

8. Scott Sizemore 2B. In my opinion, our weakest offensively to start the year. I am a Tony La Russa believer here that you bat your weakest 8th.

9. Austin Jackson CF. I like him, and that if he gets on base he can really set up the top of our order well.

But, this lineup will never come close to happening and was merely an exercise in my boredom.

39 days until opening day.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

I Got Elliot Smith on Repeat

Obviously Dombrowski is not a big believer that the world is ending in 2012. If the world ends in 2012 before our prospects we received get a chance to fully develop I will be so angry with him. Let's hope the Mayan's are wrong for the sake of the future of the Detroit Tigers.

If you do not live your life under the impression that the end is near, then this trade was somewhat bearable from a purely baseball standpoint. We received some solid pitchers and potentially someone who will replace Granderson. But, I really can’t get past why this trade was made. What really was the point? We traded two very productive, relatively young, good contracts in positions of need…for even younger, but less established players. All 4 players we received seem to have potential, but I’m a jaded old man who has followed Detroit Tiger drafts from the beginning of the internet to the current day. I remember dreaming of the day the Greisengers, Munsons, Sleeths and even the Maybins and Millers would suit up for the Tigers. Prospects are neat, but especially in baseball they are never anything you can safely rely on.


Probably today has better stuff then Jackson, and a better contract. Some say his “violent” delivery has potential to make him a bullpen arm. If he ever moves to the bullpen…prepare for a scathing bradygee.blogspot post in all CAPITAL LETTERS. But I like Scherzer, a lot.


It’s a well known fact that all sons of offensive lineman go on to great pitching careers. He was a recent 1st round draft pick…which really doesn’t mean all that much to me. He has already had Tommy John surgery. He’s a young lefty bullpen arm. And he has big hair. Two big plusses. Hair he is.

Also, I imagine when Dombrowski was offered Schlereth and Scherzer for Jackson his response was “schure.”


He will probably be our starting CF next year. Unfortunately according to his minor league stats he is not even close to ready. Struck out 123 times in 504 plate appearances, which is a substantially higher K% then Granderson had in the MLB last year. Hit for basically no power, 4 HR’s last season…And will be 100% in charge of captaining the worst defensive outfield in the history of organized sport.


Lefty Chad Durbin, hopefully. I’d be thrilled if he is that next year.



The most beloved sports figure in Detroit. Yes, ahead of Lidstrom. Last 3 years, averaged .277, 25 HR’s and was a plus defensive CF’er. Struck out too much, couldn’t hit lefty’s. Why Leyland batted him leadoff…I will never understand. He hit 30 HR’s last year and basically all were solo Hr’s because the Dane Sardinha’s and Inge’s of the world were setting him up. A pretty monumental waste of his talent at that position. Also, probably shit on the hearts of 8 year old baseball fans across the state of Michigan when they found out he was traded. 2 years removed from a 20-20-20-20 season.


Young, all-star, and had a couple years left on his contract. For half the season was keeping pace with Verlander. Then fell off pretty hard the 2nd half of the season. Great stuff if he can put it all together.

CF and starting pitching are two serious holes for us. I’ll never be able to comprehend why Jackson had to go. Scherzer is a fine replacement for him, but why he was basically offered to every team as soon as the season ended made little sense. I’ve heard the saying “sell high” on Jackson so much recently. Usually when a 25 year old pitcher has his best season and makes his first all-star game…that usually means he’s getting better, not worse.

The urgency to trade Granderson is really one of the most puzzling things I can remember in Detroit sports history. It’s true he had some glaring weaknesses, but outside of Pujols who in the MLB does not? One sub par, 30 HR season is not enough for me to unequivocally call for a 28 year old player to be on the decline. We have zero MLB ready CF’ers to replace him. And, just for good measure he was easily our best LH bat in a park that favors lefty’s. We have Guillen as the sole starting lefty in the lineup right now. And there’s a 75% chance by the end of this sentence he just strained his back.

…And to the Yankees?! What a sick, sadistic world we live in where such tragedy’s like this can happen. If he excels in NY, the next decade will be borderline unlivable as a Tigers fan. This sucks, so hard.

The Tigers next year are going to field the lousiest offensive lineup outside of 2003 in my entire lifetime. I would easily take 9 .26 Cabrera’s over them. It will be ugly.

C: Laird

1B. Cabrera

2B. Sizemore

SS: Everett

3B: Inge

LF: Guillen/Raburn

CF: Jackson

RF: Maggs

DH: Guillen/Avila/Thomas/

The Tigers are not saying they are having a fire sale…but, in the last week we’ve lost starting CF, 2B, #2 pitcher, Closer, and set up man. If this has to do with $, the fact we kept a $17 million dollhair single hitter will make me bulimic. To me, it looks like Dombrowski caved to Boras. Boras called the Tigers out multiple times in the media for not playing him and we caved. If Dombrowski had any heart under his mauve colored turtlenecks he would have responded with “we aren’t playing that moonfaced, Hugo Chavez supporting, steroid drained, junior varsity level defender, GIDP waiting to happen, A.C Slater reject a million dollars for every time he fouls out on the 1st pitch to the 1st basemen! Good day, sir!” But that never happened.

The way this whole thing went down is likely to lead to me getting cabrera’d on a daily basis until pitchers and catchers report. This trade is Dombrowski’s future in Detroit. This trade did not have to be made. Dombrowski is gone from Detroit if this fails.

So far, I’m sure I come across as someone who curses at the clouds and hates everything Tigers right now. Let me say, in a world where I let myself believe that we needed to trade Curtis Granderson and Edwin Jackson I think we did alright. I’ll be there opening day and drinking the kool aid the Tigers feed me by the barrel full. HAVING SAID THAT, I do believe RP is the most overrated position in all of baseball. And I believe that solid defense up the middle C, SS, CF is one of the most underrated aspects of baseball. I also think we should have gotten one of Dunn, or Hughes from the Yankees. Also, if we were trading for prospects, I want prospects that would strengthen our lineup rather then pitching. Our farm system womps, but pitching wise we aren’t as weak as we are in comparison to our future line-up.

In trades, almost 100% of the time I feel that whomever received the best overall player in the trade, wins that trade. Right now, I believe Granderson at the moment was easily the best player in this trade, and will most likely have a better career then Scherzer, Ed. Jackson, A. Jackson or anyone else involved. The Diamondbacks are ridiculous. Nothing at all about this trade makes sense to me and they seem to have gotten substantially worse in my opinion. I grade them a Z.

Illitch must be thrilled. Verlander’s an alright guy, but his Ed Hardy t-shirts will make it hard for the city to embrace him like they did Granderson. Cabrera got drunk with the White Sox the night before the biggest game of the season. That will rightfully hurt him until he hits .450 next season. It’s going to be a lot like 2003 attendance wise. My past phone conversations were “I’m in section 103.” This year, it will more likely be “I am section 103.”

How I felt at 1:54 PM 12/8/09

More, Granderson goodness.

Monday, September 28, 2009

Eat Em' Up Tigers

Tigers begin the biggest regular season series in mine and likely your lifetime tomorrow. Too excited to form rational thoughts. I'll let youtube do it for me.

*This is my current ringtone. So, call me, because I like hearing this.

*Proof that video 1 was based on fact

*Many forget Rihanna playing in the background during this HR.

*Pretty terrible they got rid of this

*Lions are 3-1 at games I've been at this year. Largely in part to this song

*Pretty much like when we stole Adam Everett from the Twins this year.

*Gunnar Stahl/Joe Mauer, Julie "the cat" Gaffney/Bobby Seay. Yep, that's how it is. Be sure to check out the behind the scenes of "the most epic scene in movie history"

*Vote or die

*Rod looked country strong in the video. He was about to do something fierce on that pitchers brain

*A couple Of Minnesota's best and brightest even know it's true

*Dewey Cox catching a perfect game for the Tigers. Also, the best part of this movie by far is when "chappy" almost saws his hand off.

*the leg kick is pretty epic

A couple random Detroit clips

Monday, September 21, 2009

The Worst Baseball Stadium Of All-Time Is Dead

A stadium as beautiful as the giant Kent Hrbek mural that overlooks it. Let's break down why I fully supported the Twins being contracted a couple years ago.

I did some research on the HHH dome. Not much, just about as much as they did when deciding to put a baseball team in this god forsaken hell hole. I took all of these facts from Wikipedia, so you know it's accurate.

*The Metrodome was the first major sports facility to have a domed roof supported completely by air.

Do you know what it better then a domed roof completely supported by air? Air.

*Construction success of other domed stadiums, particularly the Silverdome near Detroit, paved the way for voters to approve funding for a new stadium

The Pontiac Silverdome wasn't good enough for the Detroit Lions. The Pontiac Silverdome is no longer good enough for Monster Truck Rally's. Gravedigger and a football team that has won one playoff game in the Superbowl era have outgrown the Silverdome. But, it was good enough for Minnesotan's to house 2 pro teams and a big 11 football team up until this year.

*The Metrodome cost $68 million to build—roughly $2 million under budget, a rarity for modern stadiums.

Seriously, under budget? I'd love to be a part of the meeting that probably went something like this...

"So, we are two million dollars under budget...Let me be the first person to recommend putting walls on your baseball field."

"No. Giant garbage bags it is. Final decision"

"Well, if you insist sir. But what about making the roof a different players can see flyballs?"


"How about seats in rightfield?"

"How about an even larger garbage bag, and have it half covering up pushed in bleachers."

"Can we atleast get some dirt for the infield?

"No dirt. I want the ground balls to go over infielders heads."

*Three times in the stadium's history, heavy snows have caused a small puncture in the roof and caused it to deflate

God tried showing them the folly of their ways. Minnesotan's fought God and rebuilt.

*Any ball which strikes the Dome roof, or objects hanging from it, remains in play; if it lands in foul territory it becomes a foul ball, if it lands in fair territory it becomes a fair ball. Any ball which becomes caught in the roof over fair ground is a ground rule double...The speakers, being closer to the playing surface, are hit more frequently, especially the speakers in foul ground near the infield, which are typically hit several times a season, posing an extra challenge to infielders trying to catch them.

This is why I fully supported the Minnesota Twins being contracted. They obviously didn't give a damn. They went right ahead and built the worst structure in modern sports history and stayed there for almost 3 decades. I have seen countless balls bounce over outfielders heads. Balls that would be routine fly outs become triples. Remember the plexiglass boards over the garbage bags? That made no sense. I think they only put that in because they like hockey so much. Can you think of one thing they did right with this stadium? There is not one redeeming quality about this place at all. We should have the Milwaukee Brewers and Miller Park.

Don't give me this "it's cold in Minnesota" nonsense either. Baseball is played in the summer. If it is cold, then baseball players get cold. If it rains too much, then most likely your park has a retractable roof. Can you imagine going to a Tigers game in the middle of the summer and sitting in an air conditioned dome? Sounds dumb, right? Since 1982 Twin's fans have had to put up with that...Many have probably never been to an outside baseball game.

The Tigers just played their last game ever at this abomination to the baseball gods. The Twins have 3 home games left. I hate that place, I hate that team and I hate Bret Favre.

Friday, August 07, 2009

Josh Anderson Sold Into Indentured Servanthood

"Detroit Tigers platoon outfielder Magglio Ordonez meets with a Hugo fan"

Hey sports fans. The good lord has blessed our local ballclub enough to be in a pennant chase this summer. I don't know about you, but I haven't anticipated something so much since the season finale of America's Best Dance Crew. To the surprise of everyone, except Rod Allen, the Tigers are leading the Central by 3 games.

Playoff baseball is a big deal. If the Final 4 and Stanley Cup taught us anything, it is that a local sports teams success literally solves all of the problems Detroit faces. It's true because people have repeated it enough. Since everything was last solved in april and june, things have gone in the crapper once again. Detroit's shaky future literally rests on the tilted brim of Fernando Rodney.

Since my last update, Josh Anderson was sold into indentured servanthood. He was sold for cash. I don't know how these cash for person trades play out, but in my mind I imagine Dombrowski walking into an abandoned warehouse with a leash around Anderson's neck to meet KC's GM who has a suitcase of $. Luckily for us Josh Anderson has twitter and has kept his many fans updated of his status.

OshKosh B'Josh#13: Traded for cash today. LoL! How can they put a $ amount on the price of a human being! Thank G-D I'm fast!
OshKosh B'Josh#13: Uh oh! KC figured out I'm not good at baseball. They r threatening to put me to work in a tobacco plantation! If only it was a tomacco plantation! Lol!Thank g-d I'm fast!
OshKosh B'Josh#13: Kansas City is run by some Royal dicks! If they ever knew I wrote that, they'd beat me! Anyone watching shark week? Thank g-d i'm fast!
OshKosh B'Josh#13: Seriously, you haven't seen the tomacco simpsons episode? You guys suck. almost as much as the guys who keep on trying to beat me! Thank g-d i'm fast!
OshKosh B'Josh#13: My will to live has been broken :(!These guys with the whips are some serious asshats!

Baseball can be a dirty game.

Is it just me, or does Justin Verlander look like the doppleganger of Luigi from mario bros? What's that? Oh, just me? Then carry on.

With a USA victory this year, we will increase our record in the World Series to 105-2.

Monday, May 18, 2009

5/18, Obscure Ex-Tiger of the day

Cameron Maybin

Scouts routinely called Maybin a Griffey Junior clone but with a better arm. So, I think we all felt it was reasonably safe to assume that Maybin would rack up 600+ Hr’s, win MVP’s, headline multiple kick ass video games and eventually cure swine flu. For this, I anointed him “megajesus.” This might seem somewhat offensive, but it would not be if you had read multiple Baseball America pre-draft scouting reports. 

Maybin was called up late in 2007. In his 2nd game he faced all around gentleman Roger Clemens. Maybin took the chode deep on a line drive to center field. Next time up, Clemens beaned Maybin on the first pitch. So, Maybin stole 2nd base on him. This game will not be anything that I ever “misremember.” Unfortunately, Maybin did not have any more highlights that year. He hit .143 that year which was appropriate because Detroit still had man love for him. That year he struck out as often as you did when you first started playing baseball video games with the “hit stick” instead of the “A” button. 

In one of the most lopsided trades in the history of the barter system, Maybin was traded to the baseball capitol of the world, Miami. Detroit acquired Miguel Cabrera, “megarer jesus,” and Willis in this trade. Maybin was recently sent back down to the minors. I am sure he’ll be fine eventually, and like all Marlins win the world series every 6 years. 

Feel free to share your favorite memories of the third cousin of CFL running back John Avery.

Saturday, May 09, 2009

Neat Play, CF #28

Curtis Grandeson records the 2nd out in the 9th inning

Dontrelle Willis returns next week. This saves Jim Leyland from the impending Miner/Robertson decision. A decision so monumentally difficult, that it would be on par with Ray J’s heart wrenching final decision between ho #1 and ho #2 on his hit show on VH1. Willis, who is attempting to come back from an anxiety disorder, hopefully can be somewhat near what Zach Greinke has become. Greinke was on the verge of quitting baseball because of his condition. Now Greinke has an ERA of .40. This .40 ERA is to the surprise of no one who played MVP baseball 2005.

A couple good Greinke quotes:

1. I cried in bed, moaning ‘why, why did this have to happen?’” — when asked how he reacted to the news of Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston breaking up.

 -This reaction seems completely rational. But, I did watch an episode of saved by the bell this afternoon. Jessie Spanno held Slater’s hand causing the studio audience to break out in hysterics.

2. There definitely will be flying cars, but whether there’ll be flying cars for most people to use, it’ll probably take a long time to straighten everything out, all the rules and hassles. It’ll take a while to figure out how to keep people from crashing into each other.” — when asked if he thought there would be flying cars in the future

-Once again, completely rational. There will definitely be a transition period in the era of flying cars. 

3. “Me. I’m a better hitter.” — when Greinke was asked by a National League scout, “Should we draft you or Scott Kazmir?” 

More Greinke quotes here. Some are pretty tremendous.

While writing this, Starship Troopers has been on mute in the background.  No idea why, but somehow this has to result in good karma. 

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

TAWG?OGDH? Exclusive Rod Allen Interview

The staff at TAWG?OGDH? had a very special opportunity to interview American hero Rod Allen before tonights game against the California Angels. We were able to speak to him before the game during batting practice.

That's All We Got? One Goddamn Hit?: Thanks for being with us Rod. You enjoying your stay in LA?

Rod Allen: Oh, for sure. I got the acoustic version of the April in the D song on my walkman and took a majestic jog on the beach at sunrise.

TAWG?OGDH?: That's a beautiful image, Rod. Now onto the 2009 Tigers.  After the pitching staff posted a dissapointing 2008 season...Do you think they will rebound in 2009?

RA: We got some guys who can throw some itty bitty ones up there. These are major league players who can throw some major league pitches. Pitching, hitting and coaching will not be a problem for the 2009 Tigers

TAWG?OGDH?: Verlander struggled last year...Any chance he can turn it around?

RA: Oh, for sure. JV has easy gas. He throws it in there consistently at 100, sometimes 105 MPH. When he is on the hitters got none chance, NONE. 

TAWG?OGDH?: Leyland seems to be entering a do or die season in 2009. How do you see him responding?

RA: Leyland? Oh, he's a beauty. He's back to wearing the spikes. Got the high socks going. Pahdnuh, I wouldn't be surprised to see the skipper pinch run in one of these games!

TAWG?OGDH?: Miguel Cabrera looks to be one of best players in all of baseball. Any chance, he can he can win the AL MVP this year?

RA: Miggy? That boy is country strong. He can buggy whip just about any pitch out of the ball park. I'd be surprised if he does not win five or six triple crowns by the time hes done with baseball.

TAWG?OGDH?: That's a gutsy prediction, Rod.

RA: I'm worried about those sitting in the bleachers when Cabby comes to bat!

TAWG?OGDH?: Lay it all on the line, how many wins for the 2009 Tigers?

RA: Oh, 130 easy. This team is dialed in and ready this year. And, SPRING HAS SPRRUUNNG, WINTERS DONNEEEEE.

TAWG?OGDH?: Shut the hell up, Rod.

Oh, and take 300 drinks.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Damn Fine Work

I received an email that the editors of some website reviewed “That’s All We Got? One Goddamn Hit?” and overall they gave it a 6.0 out of 10. Initially I was upset, I really strived to make this place a 6.5 blog. When they asked if I wanted to display a badge proclaiming this place a 6 out 10, I couldn’t update this place quick enough. The mental image I have of people sitting around a table debating the pros and cons of this place is incredible. 

Editor #1: That’s the 15th Mighty Ducks 2 reference in the last 2 years! Negative points!

Editor #2: His haiku’s are like a serene river flowing straight into my brain! Plus points!

Editor #3: ¿Dónde Está la Biblioteca?

Editor #4: This place emits an aura complacency. If this blog were a dinosaur, it would be a brontosaurus.

Be happy readers, you are reading the Gene Kingsale of Detroit Tiger blogs.

Monday, March 16, 2009

The Fundamentals Of This Baseball Team Are Strong

Wayne State is on break this week, so Spring Break 2009 Detroit is really in full effect right now. I cranked things up this afternoon by watching some Tigers baseball. Tigers eeked one out against the Cardinals, 7-6. This officially makes everything square from 2006. The winning run came when Will Rhymes dropped an ill single scoring the winning run in the bottom of the 9th. We currently are a mere 5.5 games back for the Grapefruit League crown. I’m pretty sure the winning team splits a gift certificate from Dunhams or something, so let’s get on that.

Unfortunately for the Tigers the rumors of pitching machines replacing pitchers looks to be false. Dontrelle Willis, Zach Miner and Nate Robertson are waging an epic suckfest for the 5th rotation spot. All tied up, right now. Bonderman has been broken all spring, but looks like he might be ready for the season. Zumaya is hurt again, proving that he might be the most fragile 260# human being of all-time. Rick Porcello and Rick Perry might start with the club with all the sucking going on.

Detroit really can’t brag about the free agents they brought in this off-season. All of the players serve a purpose, but they aren’t flashy. It’s kind of like buying a belt. If you go brag to all your friends about your belt, they’ll think you are a douche, and rightfully so. But, your pants will stay up. This opinion is probably just because I’ve been bathing in the Tigers Kool-Aid all winter, but I feel Adam Everett>Edgar Diarrhea, Gerald Laird>Fudge and Lyon>Jones.

The World Baseball Classic confuses me so much that it almost makes me angry. My jingoistic tendencies make me want to fight a Canadian when I watch Matt Stairs battle with Latroy Hawkins. But, deep down I’d almost rather both Team USA (Granderson) and Team Detroit (Venezuela) take a dive, so we have our full force of players in spring training, learning how to do stuff, and treating Brandon Inge nicely so he is happy. Also, it would be neat if Carlos Guillen could take some fly balls, so he isn’t completely shocked the first time he doesn’t get a ground ball in left field.

Magglio, when he is in right field looks to be about 15% there. My seats are a couple rows up in right field and people are constantly yelling his name. Instead of ignoring them, like every other MLB player, he decides to stare back at them with a blank expression on his face until the situation is just completely awkward and uncomfortable for everyone. It’s bizarre to say the least. Usually you wouldn’t think this mute would be the center of controversy, but he is. Maggio recently said something along the lines of “the best of the Venezuelan Revolution is yet to come” with Hugo Chavez. I’m watching Venezuela play Puerto Rico right now and Magglio is getting booed without mercy the entire game by Venezuelan fans.

21 days until opening day.