A Delightful Christmas Story

It's almost 2007 already?! Wow, I can really thank these Detroit Lions for providing a worthy distraction to the lack of baseball. Their inspiring march to the worst record almost made me forget about the Tigers news that shook earth to its core, yes, the Tigers signed all-around class act Jose Mesa! Mesa, most famous for being old, crotchety and an average pitcher joins the Tigers bullpen.

Literally one of my favorite stories in baseball in the last decade has been the Mesa/Omar Vizquel feud. In Vizquel's masterful epic, "Omar! My Life On and Off the Field," he blames Mesa for losing the world series to the Marlin's. Yikes. This slightly perturbed Mesa and he has stated publicly that "he wants to kill him" multiple times. Omar, the D-bag author extraordinaire responded "I don't know if that's really what he meant when he said that," "Sometimes we would say in Spanish, 'I'm gonna kill you.' But in the translation, that's not really what we meant." Well, that seems somewhat plausible, unfortunately, Mesa was serious.

It's a shame that the public demand alone literally made it impossible for Omar Vizquel not to write this autobiography. Since the book, Mesa has vowed to hit Vizquel everytime...and he has, all 3 times they've met. "I will not forgive him. Even my little boy (Jose Jr.) told me to get him. If I face him 10 more times, I'll hit him 10 times. I want to kill him." Asked later if he'd accept an apologo from Vizquel, Mesa responded with "If he comes to apologize, I will punch him right in the face. And then I'll kill him.” I love that he makes it clear before "killing him" that he intends to punch him in the face first. Mesa also has been accused of rape, for testing out his umm, uhh his split finger grip on an unsuspecting female he was wooing.

Since this little episode, Mesa has gone on for many years of mediocrity, luckily we signed him for cheap and only one year. He'll likely take time away from Grilli in the bullpen and add a notable old man stench to the pitching staff.

The mysterious wrist injury that caused Zumaya to miss time during the ALCS was finally solved. Guitar Hero 2 for the Playstation was the culprit in this instance. Yes, our most dominant pitcher missed the ALCS because he was playing the video game guitar too hard. Well, at first admittedly I thought that his acting debut in those Comcast high speed internet commercials were the reason. Without going into detail...I just thought he might have enjoyed his high speed internet...a bit too much. Sadly, his reason for missing the ALCS might actually be more pathetic then that.

In super-fantastically awesome news, the Tigers reached a 4 year agreement with Bonderman for 38 million. This is actually less then I thought he'd get, but maybe he just really enjoys making snowmen.

104 days until opening day.

12/5, Obscure Ex-Tiger of the day

The Detroit Tigers shocked the baseball world bringing in this sure-fire 1st ballot Canadian hall of famer to spark a run into the post-season in 2006. His rugged good looks and looping lefty uppercut swing swooned the hearts of many a lady in Detroit, but the Tigers decided not to bring Matt back. His 14 game stint produced immediate dividends as he hit a robust .244 with 3 HR's. Actually, his dramatic homerun in bottom of the 8th inning against the Royals on the last day of the season looked as if it would win us a division. But, the Royals were just too good.

Matt finished #17 in the AL balloting for MVP in 1999, but, to anyone who knows this gentle giant, he easily finished #1 in our hearts. I don't know if another stint with an MLB team in his future, if not, I always thought he'd make an excellent lumberjack. Feel free to share your true, or untrue stories of the certified beefcake.

Finally...it's here. The much ballyhooed ROD ALLEN CHARGING THE MOUND VIDEO HAS BEEN FOUND. Go here, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Aw8iF9Zxaz0

If you are still playing the Rod Allen drinking game, even though it's the off-season...this clip calls for you to drive to the nearest state that sells Everclear and down this bottle quickly as possible. After every shot, yell your favorite "Rodism" as loudly and as slurred as possible. Also, the fact that this video sounds like it's from the Japanese equivalent of America's Funniest Home Video's actually adds to the enjoyment value immensely.

Alright, now on to actual Tiger news. As any person with a pulse can tell you, the WINTER MEETINGS are going on right now. The only way I can rationally explain the importance of these meetings is by saying that they are "the superbowl of the MLB off-season," which, in essence, makes it mostly meaningless. The Tigers are thought to involved in some potential trades. The two biggest names being thrown around are Craig Monroe and Mike Maroth. Considering I hear about 10 halfbaked Tigers rumors a day, I doubt anything will happen.

117 days until opening day