Monday, December 18, 2006

A Delightful Christmas Story

It's almost 2007 already?! Wow, I can really thank these Detroit Lions for providing a worthy distraction to the lack of baseball. Their inspiring march to the worst record almost made me forget about the Tigers news that shook earth to its core, yes, the Tigers signed all-around class act Jose Mesa! Mesa, most famous for being old, crotchety and an average pitcher joins the Tigers bullpen.

Literally one of my favorite stories in baseball in the last decade has been the Mesa/Omar Vizquel feud. In Vizquel's masterful epic, "Omar! My Life On and Off the Field," he blames Mesa for losing the world series to the Marlin's. Yikes. This slightly perturbed Mesa and he has stated publicly that "he wants to kill him" multiple times. Omar, the D-bag author extraordinaire responded "I don't know if that's really what he meant when he said that," "Sometimes we would say in Spanish, 'I'm gonna kill you.' But in the translation, that's not really what we meant." Well, that seems somewhat plausible, unfortunately, Mesa was serious.

It's a shame that the public demand alone literally made it impossible for Omar Vizquel not to write this autobiography. Since the book, Mesa has vowed to hit Vizquel everytime...and he has, all 3 times they've met. "I will not forgive him. Even my little boy (Jose Jr.) told me to get him. If I face him 10 more times, I'll hit him 10 times. I want to kill him." Asked later if he'd accept an apologo from Vizquel, Mesa responded with "If he comes to apologize, I will punch him right in the face. And then I'll kill him.” I love that he makes it clear before "killing him" that he intends to punch him in the face first. Mesa also has been accused of rape, for testing out his umm, uhh his split finger grip on an unsuspecting female he was wooing.

Since this little episode, Mesa has gone on for many years of mediocrity, luckily we signed him for cheap and only one year. He'll likely take time away from Grilli in the bullpen and add a notable old man stench to the pitching staff.

The mysterious wrist injury that caused Zumaya to miss time during the ALCS was finally solved. Guitar Hero 2 for the Playstation was the culprit in this instance. Yes, our most dominant pitcher missed the ALCS because he was playing the video game guitar too hard. Well, at first admittedly I thought that his acting debut in those Comcast high speed internet commercials were the reason. Without going into detail...I just thought he might have enjoyed his high speed internet...a bit too much. Sadly, his reason for missing the ALCS might actually be more pathetic then that.

In super-fantastically awesome news, the Tigers reached a 4 year agreement with Bonderman for 38 million. This is actually less then I thought he'd get, but maybe he just really enjoys making snowmen.

104 days until opening day.


Anonymous said...

wow... i just came across this when i was stalking away messages but i really liked it :) love you brady!
Casey C

MyWORDSWORTHabout2cents said...

you are a real piece of work... Without going into detail, i enjoy this blog a little too much