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The Traveshamockery

Alright, I've watched an unhealthy amount of ESPN/MLB Network in the last day or so. I'm going to lose it. If i hear the phrases "pandora's box," "dangerous precedent," or "baseball purist" one more time I will find that persons residence and do this to their favorite light colored sitting area.

Let's break it down. Starting with the pandora's box and dangerous precedent lines. Like, it would set a bad precedent to get the call right. Obviously it's impossible to correct something that affected the winner or loser of a game. No one expects that, at all. It has absolutely zero to do with what happened the other night. So, since you are the commissioner you write up some rule that only affects egregious mistakes that had no outcome on the winner or loser of the game...Just so you know, that basically leaves Galarraga's perfect game as the lone candidate for change. I can't imagine anyone would oppose this.

Crediting Galarraga with a perfect game does not lessen the achievement or taint it at all. He retired 27 straight batters fair and square. No one would sanely argue otherwise. If this situation happened anytime before the the 27th out, I'd feel differently. This is the rarest of circumstances. When the ump admits the mistake, when the Commissioner of the league admits it...it might be about time to show some common sense.

Click here (sadly, that was the best I could find. But you get the point) or you are not allowed to read this paragraph... Pretend we are living in a time with few laws. I see you walking down the street, and for no rhyme or reason I chainsaw off your hands. I am the only person who has ever chainsawed off anyone's hands in the history of this world. This was such a bizarre thing that happened that there was no law against it. The police saw this, obviously you were apart of this, and I admit I was deeply wrong for what I did. But, no law exists. So, do we immediately correct this? Or let me go free, and then vow to look into a way of making a law that future chainsaw hand attacks will not go unpunished?

Also, saying no precedent exists is just factually wrong. In 1991 baseball Commissioner Fay Vincent set up a panel that "overturned 50 no-hitters." HIT ME. Also, the famous George Brett pine tar game. The Ump incorrectly threw Brett out of the game, and they picked up on the game 3.5 weeks later from that point in the game.

Anyone that calls themselves a baseball purist or uses that defense is a dumbfuck. Baseball purists are the dopes that were probably upset when players started using gloves, baseball was integrated and we started playing night games. If we have the technology and common sense to get the call right, then do it. I swear some of these idiots should watch soap opera's instead of baseball if they really like the drama of an old man who has not visited Dr. Rahmani deciding a black or white incident.

I'm sorry, but this other thing about "learning a great lesson" from this is absurd. The only lesson I learned is life is unfair. Every kid who's picked up a baseball has dreamed of throwing a perfect game. The dream never ends with you being ruined by umpire incompetence on the 27th out. I'd bet your chainsawed arms that Galarraga is never flirting with a perfect game ever again. In baseball history there has been about 200,000 overall games played. Let's say there has been about 20 perfect games. The probability of throwing a perfect game is .001%. Perfect games are insane. There is a good reason a Tiger has *never thrown a perfect game in over 100 years. Sadly, the chances are good we might never see another perfect game by a Tiger for the rest of our lives. This is the pinnacle single game achievement in all of sports.

Also, this nonsense about learning what a "great guy" Galarraga is from this game annoys the hell out of me. Like, he would not be a "great guy" if he pitched a perfect game. Also, how we are supposed to feel great about Joyce admitting his mistake. Well, no shit! He blew it clear as day. He'd be a moron to say otherwise. That's not to say I don't feel sympathy for him, I do, a great amount. This is the only thing this man will be known for. I will know his name for all the wrong reasons. He'll live a rough life where dolts make threats against him for the rest of his life. What a heart warming story that is going to be. Seriously, all it would have taken was Selig to acknowledge that what we saw happened, actually happened. He'd be a footnote instead of the most infamous Ump since Denkinger. Incredibly, Selig's call is even worse then Joyce's call in this situation.

I'll admit that Galarraga's "perfect game" WILL receive a lot more attention then the other 20 perfect games. Some are happy with that, and I can see their point of view. Personally though, it makes me sick. For the rest of my life I will never forget watching this game. Sadly, the first thing I will remember is the call and everybody admitting that what we saw we now have to unsee according to the record books. I don't know why seeing Galarraga's name in a steroid infested record book would make me feel better, but it would, a lot.

28 Up, 28 Down

Today was my mom's birthday. We had a nice dinner and watched the game together. Both of us wouldn't change seats or mention what we knew was going on. Didn't want to jinx it. The second that call went wrong...I swore a lot, and then immediately stormed out and did not say a word. It was probably about the rudest thing I've ever done. So, that's another thing for Joyce to feel miserable about.

Armando Galagarbage threw a perfect game. You'd admit it, the Cleveland Indians would admit it and even Jim Joyce would admit it. What happened tonight was one of the more sickening things I've seen in sports in my lifetime. Galarraga, drafted as an Expo, a lifetime journeyman just had one of the more remarkable 9 innings in recent baseball history. He legitimately pitched a perfect game. The first one in the 107 years of Detroit baseball history. Instead, we are probably going to murder some poor, blind, mustachioed man tomorrow.

This can be made right, easily. This should be ruled a perfect game by Selig. The only reason this would not happen is because baseball is about the most archaic ruled thing ever. Some "purists" might say that going against the umpires ruling cheapens the integrity of the game. I'd easily argue that it hurts the integrity of the game much more by making us "unsee" what we all saw tonight. Also, if All-Star games can end in ties, this game can end in perfect game.

I have lots of umpires on my shitlist. When I see them, I know some screwy things are afoot. Jim Joyce...was not one of them. He made a mistake...an egregious and correctable mistake...and his entire career and legacy will live in infamy for the rest of his life. He knows he f'd up, and so does baseball. Correct this, so this man can be remembered for his obscene mustache instead of his obscenely terrible call. Nobody wants to see another Denkinger situation here.

OK. That all made sense, right? But, it's not going to happen. So, Galarraga will not get credited with a perfect game. On the other hand, he did accomplish something that I would wager will never be equaled. He retired 28 batters in one game without anyone reaching base. Steve Nebraska couldn't even top that. It deserves an awesome name. I was thinking something along the line of super-sized flawless victory. Ok, that was weak, cut me some slack, i've been over served in rageahol tonight. If you got better suggestion, let me know and we will trademark it as soon as possible.

(Selig dressed as the Million Dollar Man. Admittedly has little to do with anything, but isn't your life better for seeing this?)

IT'S OPENING DAY, PAHDNUH!

Rod Allen Is Back

Talked To Him Before Season

Tigers Win Pennant

Good news everyone! Spring has spruuunnngg, winter's donnnee and it's opening day. Detroit once again has a team of scrappy millionaire's ready to compete for the coveted American League Central Title.

Losing Granderson and Polanco from last years lineup places extra importance on the pitching staff. Luckily the Tigers picked up half human, half machine Max Scherzer. His spring was rough, probably due to faulty programming, but he should tuned up and ready to go this year. Word on the street is that Scherzer saw an especially beautiful sunset before leaving spring training and a single tear streamed down his robotic face. Scherzer developing the ability to feel is huge for the Tiger's 2010 prospects of success.

Cabrera looks to be poised for a big season. Supposedly all off field distractions are gone, and he is completely focused on winning the first of many triple crowns Rod Allen promised us. I have mixed feeling about this. On one hand, it's great he's comfortable and focused on earning his 150 brazillion dollar contract. On the other hand, the verb "Cabrera'd" was rapidly becoming my favorite word in the english language.

Well, I just heard the sound of the turtle. It's opening day. Eat em' up Tigers.

April In The D

Sonic Ecstasy All Month

Muted April Eighth

Tigers vs. Leather Shoes

The Florida Suckern Moccasin's take on the Tigers tomorrow. The fightin Moc's are currently the #1 ranked team in D2. Speaking of D2, here is the greatest achievement in cinema history in it's entirety http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rADf6gXU9E8. Oh man, remember when Kenny Wu scores against Iceland!? You don't, well youtube does! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IxSY4vClA4U. What an underdog! But, I digress...

Leyland announced his lineup for the big game. According to the Freep, it is as follows.

• Austin Jackson, CF

• Johnny Damon, LF

• Magglio Ordonez, RF

• Carlos Guillen, DH

• Don Kelly or Kory Casto, 3B

• Scott Sizemore, 2B

• Gerald Laird, C

• Adam Everett, SS

A couple of suprising things stick out about this line up. A Jax batting 1st followed by Beef Supreme is something to take note of. Another thing to take note of is that we are only batting 8 and playing without a first basemen. In my opinion, playing without a first basemen is a risky move.

If the Tiger's lose tomorrow, I will riot.

You can follow the game live HERE.

Justin Verlander Is Ready For 2010

Your Detroit Tigers signed the missing link, Johnny Damon to a one year contract. I’ve heard a lot of mixed reaction to this signing and to me it makes little sense. I think we can all agree before this signing we had these weaknesses…

-No leadoff hitter. I’m excited about Austin Jackson…but in the minors he struck out at a higher % then CG did in the MLB. And, his power numbers were positively Nook Loganion. And Is yet to face MLB pitching.

-Lack of lefty hitters. Carlos Guillen will get injured this year. I’d bet my hypothetical farm on it. Avila looks to probably be starting in AAA this year. In which case, utility infielder and feared slugger 5’3’’ Ramon Santiago is your lone LH bat. In a park that has a short RF fence; it’s sometimes nice to try to take advantage of that once in a while.

-Lack of offensive power. We are still below average, but we were a little over a month away at looking at a lineup that consisted of black holes of Laird, Inge, Everett, Sizemore and Jackson. And, that is hoping that we get September Magglio, a non broken Guillen, and relying on Raburn to consistently be a plus hitter. All the while providing little protection for Cabrera.

-Another thing I heard is that we overpaid for Damon. It’s a one year contract, and there is no salary cap. This should have zero impact on future spending. I think most agree we do not want Magglio’s 18 brazzilion $ option to kick in next year. He needs I believe 134 games played for it to automatically kick in. Last year he played 131. Adding Damon makes this tougher for Magglio. So, it could actually save us $ in the long run. And, if you are still upset, support the team and eat a hot and ready.

Also, Damon wears his socks high. This has already endeared him to 85% of our teams fans and should result in many more tickets sold.

-The only complaint that has some substance albeit very little to me is this takes away at bats from Raburn. Raburn had somewhat of a breakout season last year. He had a respectable average and put up good power #’s. This would have more merit to it to me if Raburn was not just about to turn 29 and showed anything resembling in the past some kind of track record that we should expect these numbers in the future. But, as a super sub and the near certainty someone playing above him will be injured he will seeing many more at bats this year.

Alright, it’s February, players reported just the other day. I am yet to see any of them wearing a Detroit Tigers jersey. So, I feel like I am definitely not out of line to tell Jim Leyland how to run his team. First off, let me get this out of the way. Almost every single batting order, pitching decision I would do the complete opposite. I’m bizarro Leyland. But, if you told me going into last year that Granderson, Polanco, Magglio, Inge, Laird, Guillen, Robertson, Willis, Bonderman, Zumaya, etc. would massively underachieve…and we’d still have a chance for the playoffs, I would think you were insane. But, we did. So, I give him credit.

MY BATTING ORDER

1. Johnny Damon LF. Lefty bat, OBP% 40 points better then CG. Way less K’s. If you read my blog, there is a fairly good chance that you can throw better then Damon. But, his actual fielding in my opinion is fairly underrated just due to the fact that he has the throwing motion of a velociraptor.

2. Magglio Ordonez RF. Incredibly, much higher OBP% and batting average then Polanco last year. And, I’m hopeful we get Sept. Magglio.

3. Miguel Cabrera 1B. He needs as many at bats as possible. I would always bat my most feared hitter 3^rd.

4. Carlos Guillen DH. If he is not on crutches by the end of this sentence it’s a small miracle. If he can regain some form and be a good LH bat protecting Cabrera it would be a major boost to our lineup.

5. Ryan Raburn 3B. Giving him his chance. He has played IF much of his career. Has the chance to prove his small sample size production last year was not an aberration.

6. Alex Avila C. Solid #’s, lefty bat. Might not be ready, but much better offensively then Laird.

7. Brandon Inge SS. Yes, SS. Your infielder with the most range and best arm should play the position where he gets the most opportunities to field the ball. I pray to Jobu nightly that we get his stats production pre all-star break from last year.

8. Scott Sizemore 2B. In my opinion, our weakest offensively to start the year. I am a Tony La Russa believer here that you bat your weakest 8^th.

9. Austin Jackson CF. I like him, and that if he gets on base he can really set up the top of our order well.

But, this lineup will never come close to happening and was merely an exercise in my boredom.

39 days until opening day.