Monday, October 02, 2006

Tigers introduce Yankees to the AL DEEZ NUTZ

I don't really want to talk about that epic choke job by the tigers anymore. In my opinion, it was 10 times worse then getting mugged in Huntington woods. I'm getting violently ill just thinking about it. Let's talk ALDS, Det./NY(A).

Detroit Tigers vs. the New York baby killers. It doesn't really get any better then this, ever. Seriously, Tigers vs. kitten beaters, this will be the pinnacle of your life. After this series, we might as well all just wilt away and lie in the fetal position and reminisce about this epic series between the tigers and the New York mark Foley’s. Here are an extremely poor in depth analysis of the tigers upcoming 3 game sweep.

GAME 1. Robertson/wang.
Ok, this Yankee’s team is good, but if your #1 pitcher in the post season is named Wang, I'm not terribly scared. And, I'll laugh every time joe buck says something like "all Yankee’s want Wang in the ass." Anyway's, Tigers win 1-0 on an alexis gomez homerun in the top of the 9th. George the animal Steinbrenner's head explodes. The world rejoices.

GAME 2. Verlander/mussina.
He's nicknamed after a moose. That is dumb. Anyway's, Verlander win's the game and then sleeps with all of the Yankee’s wives/husbands after the game. Because, that's what he does. Tigers beat the New York Slobodan Milosevic lovers 14-0.

GAME 3. Rogers/Johnson.
I could make a cheap joke about his last name being "Johnson," so I will. I will laugh every time Joe bucks say's "Jeter and A-rod love johnson, and I mean they want wang up the ass." Tiger's win 11-0. This is the game I'll be at. I'll be the guy harassing matsui in Japanese all game.

Here's a funny Matsui tidbit I stumbled upon recently. It also put's a whole new twist on his broken wrist injury.

"Of course, he likes to watch his much vaunted porno collection, tapes that he often trades with Japanese reporters. As one Japanese journalist put it, describing Matsui's affinity for such unique Japanese cultural institutions like the no-panties shabu-shabu in Japan, "Matsui is a horny guy. All of us are horny, more or less. But Matsui doesn't attempt to hide the fact." Yet another win for the Japanese Everyman."

Seriously, there is no shortage of material why you should hate the Yankees. They are all despicable excuses of human beings and their black hearts produce carbon dioxide that is ripping apart our ozone. Yes, the yankees are the root cause of global warming. Also, the 200+ million $ yankee's players make is all used to fund terrorism.

Go tigers, save America.

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