Thursday, March 29, 2007

Opening Day Haiku 2


Detroit dreams again

Crush foes Urbina style

Old man stench supreme


To me, Opening day is like Christmas morning, a snow day, the first weekend of the NCAA tournament all wrapped up in a pizza. In the past, it was the kickoff of basically a 6 month slaughter, but not this year. This is easily the most anticipated opening day in the last 15 years. Seriously, the Tigers are going to celebrate winning the American League title last year. That is stupid good.

Anyways, in potentially Ultimate Warrior gorilla slamming bad news, Kenny Rogers is on the DL with arm trouble and will miss his first start. Supposedly it's just "arm fatigue. I'm pretty sure I've had arm fatigue since 7th grade baseball. So, hopefully this doesn't minimize his effectiveness for the next decade like it has me. He's supposed to miss one start and Rad Chad Durbin will fill in.
A while ago I posted what I thought the opening day lineup should look like and what Leyland's will probably look like. For some reason I was able to guess that Pudge would be lead off. Which, he will be against lefties. Hopefully the excess steroids in his system have worn off and he won't go all Willie Mayes Hayes in Major League 2 on us.

Probably you have heard this already, but ex-tiger Ugie Urbina (UUU) was sentenced to 14 years in Venezuelan jail. I've never experienced Venezuelan jail before, but I imagine that is approximately equal to 2 to 3 times that sentence here. So, if you were debating if it was worth it to attack someone with a machete and pour gasoline on them, just be aware of the potential consequences. Use words, not machetes. Remember that phrase next time you are in a disagreement.

Ozzie Guillen is a douchebag. You can read about it here: http://www.detnews.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20070329/SPORTS0104/703290400&imw=Y

The highlight is when he farts out of his mouth about Leyland "Is he a great manager? Hell, no." Well, no one likes Ozzie and it's cute how once every couple of months he draws attention to himself. Usually with some homophobic slur or when he cuts a pitcher for missing throwing a beanball. He's becoming very Wolf "the Dentist" Stansson esque with his hate. Remember, Jium Leyland wears his cleats in the dugout.

Alright, Monday is opening day. Obviously, I'm going to hop on my jet and get back to Detroit and I'll be there. For those with class/work/scrabble tournaments, just kindly avoid those on monday. Seriously, for all 7 of you read this, don't pull an Urbina and miss out on Opening day.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

my mom scheduled me a dentist appointment on monday, what an idiot. when she drops me off, im gonna hop on the next bus down to detroit.

Timothy said...

There is some bad news that comes with the New Year starting Sunday night. Kenny Rogers is out until July. Rotation options? I think Ledezma would do a decent job as the spot left open is a lefty spot. I certainly would take him over Seay or Durbin. Thoughts?

Anonymous said...

I think Kenny rogers right handed would be a better option than Seay or Durbin

Brady Green said...

a couple more notes:
-Guillen 4 year extension at 48 mill.
-Rogers out until july/maybe career with blod clot
-Vance wilson on 15 day dl
-jose mesa suspended 2 games from throwing at omar vizquel

The rotation for kenny's spot I think will be obviously durbin, ledezma and then potentially Miller. This might force us to make a trade another pitcher as well.

Anonymous said...

any pitchers on the market that we'd be looking at?

Brady Green said...

well, the free agent market isn't so lucrative after one game.

Except for Clemens. But, I'd rather rip my ear out then see him in a detroit uni.

Ledezma, Durbin, Miller, Miner are pretty decent short term replacements. If they stink up the joint, Thames could be traded for pitching aid.