Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Eat em' Up Tigers

Magglio Ordonez is playing everygame like it's the homecoming game against Valley High. His psuedo mullet is bringing a special amount of pain this year as he was honored with the extremely prestigious AL player of the week (ALPOTW). Undoubtedly he's benefitting from Sheffield and Guillen sandwiching him in the lineup.
I know I have no authority on this at all, but everytime Rod says "proven track record" that is definitely a drink or seven. Through the first month of the season, he has uttered these magical words atleast 4x a game. This has almost made basically everyone on the teams slumps oddly enjoyable. Also, I'm pretty sure he described someones double the other day as "pimping" it. As in "Neifi Perez just pimped that ball over the center fielder's head, pahdnuh!"
Usually I wait more then a month to rip on a player, but Sean Casey has to go. Remember in simpler days of video game baseball when players were ranked 1-10 in different categories? Well, this is how I'd rank him. 0-10 for speed, 1-10 for power, 1-10 for range in the field, 8-10 for hitting lazy ground balls to the 2b, 3-10 for goatee, 2-10 for the ability to bend his knees in doing anything, 14-10 for being a "nice guy." Seriously, watching him run is uncomfortable, I'd compare it to watching a dog move with only 2 legs. Some will give the argument that he is a "career" .300 hitter. This is accurate, but this is before he apparently tore both his ACL's without telling anyone. I don't know if team ambassador is a real position, but I suggest making it for him just so we can actually take advantage of his talents. To summarize, I'd take Carlos Pena over Casey.
The Tigers have won 6 of 8 after sweeping the White Sox in a one game series and now sweeping the Baltimores. The hitting has started to come around, the bullpen has picked it up and they almost got in a brawl. Simply put, they are almost as hot as Erin the Esurance girl. Seriously, these advertisements are insane, and seriously have men questioning themselves throughout the Detroit area.

We trail Cleveland in the Central right now. Cleveland won't win the Central, because God hates Cleveland. Nothing good comes from Cleveland, it would not surprise me at all if Carlos Mencia is a native Clevelandnite.


Anonymous said...

drew carrey says cleveland rocks. daniel cabrera pitches against those pesky indians today and I'm sensing an all out brawl

Timothy said...

Another phrase to add to the Rod Allen at home game, "fleetest of foot". Plus how many more times are we going to see Casey hit a soft grounder to second before some changes are made. I say give Marcus a few starts against some righties!