Karlos kan't make the klub

In a not so surprising move, the Tigers unconditionally released perennial under-achiever KKKKarlos Pena. If you remember, we acquired him in the Weaver trade along with Bonderman and German. At that time, Pena looked like our best prospect. Unfortunately, he schlubbed it up for the 3.5 seasons he spent as a tiger. He never hit above .253 and he was extremely strike-out prone. In my opinion, Pena suffered from an extreme case of eric munsonitis. This extremely crippling disease causes players with incredible potential to consistently be one of the least effective players on our team, but then out of the blue they will just start hitting 440 foot Hr's with really no problem. It’s frustrating, to say the least.

Releasing painya now saves the Tigers a little over 2.1 million of the 2.8 million we were due to owe him this year. So, that’s nice for the Illitch's I guess. The tigers probably tried their hardest to trade karlos, but no team would bite. This move possibly might mean that 'mighty' marcus thames will get a shot with the squad this year or even the wild-card Rrrrramon Santiago (roll your R's) might make the team as a utility INF.

8 days until opening day.... What, what, say what, say what, anything can happen.

Only 240 hours until opening day

Zumaya to the left of me! Verlander to the right of me!

Today, the Tigers lost by a touchdown (pat good) and a field goal to our hated rivals from the southwest... yep, you guessed it, the Houston Astro's. Usually a 13-3 loss really dampens my mood, but not this time, we'll get our revenge in the World Series.

Yesterday was actually one of the most important days in recent Tiger history. Not only did the Tigers win a Grapefruit league thriller in extra innings over the Phillies, but two of the best pitching prospects the Tigers have had in my entire existence took the mound and secured spots on the major league roster. I'd say probably me and like 30 other geeks are the only ones that actually were aware of this, but this is huge nonetheless. I'm pretty sure not many other people were using the internet on their phones during class to check how zumaya and verlander pitched in spring training. Anyways, after the game Verlander was named our 5th starter and Zumaya will start the season out of the bull pen.

Before spring training, I did not think that Verlander or Zumaya would make the team. But apparently when your stiffest competition is a guy named Colon, I should not of underestimated them. Zumaya and Verlander won these spots on the team, they were the most deserving.

I bet you, one of my 8 or so loyal readers are asking yourself if I have ever seen these guys pitch? Well, my gentle souls, I can tell you I have, and thus I consider myself somewhat coherent when it comes to this. I actually went to the futures game during the all-star break just to watch these two pitch. Unfortunately, when you are 20 years and 10 months old, they don't round up. So, me and one of my buddies downed as much cheap whiskey in the parking lot, leading to us missing the first couple of innings. Verlander started, we missed it because we were taking shots of "Ten High" whiskey. Wow, that was stupid. But we did see Zumaya pitch, and he turned in a very steve nebraska-esque performance. At least, thats how the drunk me remembers it. And to be fair to me, I had to watch the celebrity softball classic right after the futures game, so it wouldn't of been acceptable to be sober while watching Jon Lovitz play softball against Bo Jackson and SI swimsuit models. Also, DETROITS OWN Uncle Kracker was the mid-game entertainment.

Later I was in attendence for one of Verlander's rare major league starts last year. At that time, he was very raw, but definitely had a ton of potential. His fastball reaches the upper 90's and his curve ball can become a devastating pitch if he is able to mix up his pitches well. I believe the Tigers lost that game like 4-1 and it was late august. By that time, we had already given up on the season so the score really doesn't matter. Verlander is ranked as one of the top 10 prospects in all of baseball.

Also, in case the caption to the picture was confusing. You were supposed to sing it, and then fill in the rest of the dylan lyrics after that. Hopefully for my hearts sake, Zumaya and Verlander aren't clowns and/or jokers this year, LOL. Hopefully Verlander can go all Josh Beckett on the MLB's ass this year, and we'll have a plus .500 record.

G-Diddy or Nook Daddy?

Ever since Dirty Sanchez left Detroit and its spacious CF position, the Tigers have been struggling to find a replacement. In Sanchez, the tigers would need to replace a lead-off hitter who has no eye and can't field or throw for shit. So those were very small shoes that needed to be filled. You could even say baby shoes. But unfortunately, Craig Monroe was our best option last year in CF. He played admirably defensively learning the position as the year progressed, but it became obvious he fits in best as a corner outfielder.

Nook Logan, whose real name is Exavier Prente Logan....no lie, was given the first chance to impress in CF. Logan’s strength is he runs like a cheetah, and his weakness is he swings the bat like a cheetah. Logan is easily one of the fastest players in the MLB, and this is 100% why he is in the major leagues. Basically, his goal is to hit a squibber to 1st basemen, and miraculously beat the 1st basemen to 1st base. This sounds kind of impossible, but he does it routinely. At first, Logan was getting the job done. He was causing lots of problems for the defense and stole bases at a high percentage. Unfortunately, the other teams had a pulse. They started to play him extremely shallow and throw him some curve balls. His average plummeted.

Next to get the chance was Wunderkid Curtis Granderson. He doesn’t possess the speed that Logan has, but he’s no slouch. He actually can swing a bat, and hit the ball out of the infield. His main weakness might be the # of Strikeouts he racks up. Granderson was a very steady and reliable player for the Tigers in the last month or so of the season. He was easily the most consistent option and the power he brought to the plate was a welcome addition.

Going into spring training, it was obvious the competition was between Granderson and Logan for the opening day spot on in CF. So far, the competition has been extremely lopsided. Logan is eating a shit-sandwich at the plate batting .156 with a .229 OBP with 5 steals and a tumor inducing .156 slugging %. Granderson on the other hand, is the mack-daddy extraordinaire. He’s batting .423 with a .571 OBP with 5 steals and a tumor curing .885 slugging %. Both have played in 9 games thus far in spring training.

It seems fairly obvious now that Granderson will start in CF opening day. Logan’s speed is an incredible asset, no doubt, but it is useless if you can’t hit the ball. I know it has only been 9 games, but a .156 average is terrible when you are supposed to be trying to impress the most. Logan will most likely make the team as the 4th outfielder. For the Tigers, that’s an extremely important position. Magglio will be hurt sometime this year, that’s fairly obvious, and the 4th outfielder will get lots of AB’s and time to impress. Also, Logan will serve as a great pinch-runner and a very good late inning defensive replacement.

The Tigers play the Yankees and the Nationals tomorrow. I predict a double-mercy for the tigers tomorrow. The Tigers are 10-6 right now 1 game behind the Fla. Marlins for the prestigious Grapefruit league crown. Oh, and 18 days until opening day.

pre NAP-TOWN tigers update

Sadly, the catcher in this picture was literally ripped in half seconds after this picture was taken. The unbelievable impact caused his upper body to land a good 5 rows up in the crowd and registered a 6.3 on the Richter scale. His lower body literally evaporated. Don't ask me to explain how a lower body can evaporate, just know that the impact between meathook and #17 was comparable to 5 nuclear bombs going off inside #17's chest. Dmitri then picked up the severed head, autographed its forehead, and gave it to a youngster who will cherish this severed skull for eternity. Don't expect that priceless gem to end up on EBAY.

Unfortunately though, Dmitri hurt his leg in intense early march Spring training baseball action. Hopefully, he doesn't wang-tang around and he's ready to go opening day.

The Tigers are a respectable 5-2 right now. This is good for being 1 game back for the best record in baseball right now. The Butt-pirates have the best record right now and are 6-1, with their only "L" coming to los Tigres.

Alright, well my SPF 45 is packed and I'm off to beautiful Indianapolis for some big-ten basketball action. Take it easy, you sarcastic jokester freakazoids.

TIGERS ARE FUCKING UNDEFEATED

PENNANT FEVER IS RUNNING RAMPANT IN EAST LANSING/LAKELAND FLORIDA. THE CHAMPAGNE IS ON ICE. THE TIGERS ARE FUCKING 2-0 AFTER BLOWING OUT THE MOCCA-SUCKS FROM FLORIDA SOUTHERN 4-3, AND THEN IMMEDIATELY DROPPIN' SERIOUS ELBOWS ON THE RED'S 8-5 THE NEXT DAY.

Slim Rodriguez led off the game against the Red's with a dinger to RF and then went 3-3 on the day...hopefully, this means he has decided to sacrifice his testicles in getting back on steroids in order to help the sqaud. Nasty Nate Robertson pitched 2 shutout innings with 3 strikeouts. I imagine he'll keep up that 10.5 Strikeout per game average.

Also, as I type this the Tigers are up 8-4 in the 3rd inning against the hated Reds. It was 2-2 in the 2nd inning. I can only assume Nook logan, Carlos PAINYA, Meathook, Magglio, Polanco and Kevin Hooper hit the first ever back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back HR's in baseball history. And those 2 runs that Maroth gave up? Those were pity runs. Everyone knows the Reds are simply inferior...no need to rub it in their faces.


This will get you butt-pysched for baseball season. Here's Ernie Harwell.
http://www.msu.edu/~drozepat/today/Ernie%20Harwell's%20-%20Last%20vice%20of%20the%20turtle.mp3

"...AND THE THE VOICE OF THE TURTLE IS HEARD IN OUR LAND"

don't ask me to try to explain the voice of the turtle. I can only imagine its some kind of chirping, kind of pussy noise. I mean, its a fucking turtle, its not going to growl or roar or anything. And also, don't ask me to explain how a turtles voice symbolizes spring and baseball. It just does, Ernie's always right, and if you think differently, well your a fucking travesty to the human race.

go tigers