Monday, September 18, 2006

The most important thing in the history of mankind

Intense rivalries are what makes competition great. Rivalries such as red sox/yankees, Duke/UNC, Red vs. Black from Wild N' Out and finally detroit/chicago have raised the stakes significantly. Starting tonight, the tigers take on the black sox in the most important series in Tigers baseball in almost 20 years. The Tigers have been steadily farting away their lead in the Central/Wildcard and enter today 1 game up over the Nick Punto lead minnesota Twins. If the Tigers manage to miss the playoffs this year, I'm literally going to hibernate this winter. This is a fact.

Let's break down this series a little bit.
Kenny Rogers vs. Mark turdley tonight. I'm hoping Rogers sets the tone early and nails Dye and Crede in the ribs with 84 Mph fastballs. Obviously, they are then out for the season. Tigers win 37-0.

Justin Verlander vs. Freddy Turdcia. Tigers put in major league 2 prior to the game, remember what a cocky SOB jack parkman was and verlander strikes out jim thome 3 times with the eliminator, the terminator, and of course the masturbator. Tigers win this game 1-0 when neifi perez "has an angel" and hits his first career ball out of the infield for the game winning sac fly.

Jeremy Bonderman vs. Jon Turdland. This game is a laugher the entire way. The Tigers win this game 34-7. The White sox are effectively eliminated from the playoffs ensuring the tigers the wildcard at worst. Jim Leyland can finally remove the last slide showing off Mike Illitch's boobs.

In other news, The tigers signed another sub par LH hitter. This time, Matthew Wade Stairs gets the chance. Remember when everyone was spazzing out in june about our dire need for a left hand bat? and that Leyland said that we weren't just looking for LH bat just for the sake of having a LH bat, the player must also be good at baseball?... yeah, well, apparently we are fibbers. Also, Polanco said yesterday he is out for the year. The team said he isn't, but we are fibbers like I said before.

and, just for the hell of it, here's Harry Dunne singing about the Tigers.

go tigers.


zack said...

brah, i signed matt stairs for us four years ago on a road trip with ian and paul bosworth. he agreed to play only on the condition that it a)be during a playoff race, and b) he not be eligible to play in the playoffs if we were to qualify. inspired by major league, i tried to work out a you-can-play-in-the-playoffs-but-only-as-the-anonymous-pinch-runner-for-dorn-once-he-intentionally-takes-a-fastball-in-the-back but he said he made a better Clue Haywood, we couldnt comprimise and the clause was then void.

Brady Green said...

Kenny Rogers threw a pitch behind jermaine dye, and hit crede in the shoulder with a pitch. I just thought everyone should know that.

Matt Stairs doesn't compromise with anyone. don't get too down on yourself.