Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Old man forgets to take meds, becomes irritable and gassy

“Well, we just a lackluster, the whole ball of wax was lackluster just not good enough”
-Jim Leyland, 4-17-06

This literally is one of my favorite quotes of all-time. If I could go back in time, this would have been my senior quote, instead of the lame one I used from Mighty Ducks 2 instead. "whole ball of wax" is without a doubt going to become an integral part of my vocabulary. "Brady, its 5 pm, why haven't you gotten out of bed?" My reply, "the whole ball of wax, just a lackluster", and then I'd mumble something incoherently and chug the nearest bottle of pepto bismol.

This cute little tirade has made most Tiger fans happy, and has shown that he won't accept the same old same-old. This apparently is something that Trammel lacked, or something. People point to Leyland's WS ring and say "by golly, this geezer is a genius," but somehow ignore Trammel's ring. In the last week or so, I've read countless articles claiming the Tigers finally "got one right in Leyland." Cute journalism, but I'll wait more then 2 weeks to make bold claims like that. I mean, Phil Garner didn't exactly fit in with Detroit, and holy balls! He's in the World Series with the Astros. The fucking Astro's!

First off, I am by no means saying that Leyland is a bad manager. Way too early to tell, obviously. At 7-6, this is pretty much where I thought we'd be right now. But, this is before I knew that Jesus Christ would resurrect in the form of an overweight, red-headed 1st basemen. "Are you saying Jesus can't hit a curveball?" No, jesus can hit any pitch you throw at him right now. Currently, Shelton is leading in all triple crown categories in the AL, and currently has hit for 62 total bases this year. 62 total bases is a lot, but it’s absolutely crazy when Albert Pujols is the 2nd in total bases at 45.

The fact that Shelton is hitting 6th in this lineup is an absolute joke. Chris(t) batting 6th and the monstar's from space jam keep me awake at night and haunt my dreams. Shelton has 17 RBI's right now, which is absolutely batshit insane if you look at the rest of his stats. How a guy who is hitting .471 with 9 HR's, 5 doubles, 3 triples and a slugging % of 1,216 and has only 17 Rbi's is just unbelievable. Unfortunately, this is what happens when you have the best hitter in baseball at the moment hitting 6th with such "legendary" sluggers like Gomez, Thames, Infante and Young hitting in front of him. Obviously, shelton isn't going to hit .500 this season, he'll realistically probably only hit .430 or something, but the fact that we aren't capitalizing on this babe ruthian statistical mindfuck is incomprehensible. The crazy thing is, if we had actually good hitters hitting around him, such as pudge, ordonez, polanco, his stats would be probably even gaudier. Also, superstition doesn't work in baseball. Leyland better start coaching instead of relying on superstition to manage this team.

The Tigers are going going back back to cali cali for a series with the A's right now. I'm kind of frustrated with this team right now, so a nice 30-40 game winning streak would put me at ease here. Also, here's the audio from leylands "tirade."


Also, if you missed JIM ROME IS BURNING on espn today, then you missed a “phenomenal” show. It was “epic.” And like 3 people probably just got the jokes I just made. But, to get back to the show, ROME was spitting the truth (like he always does) about Shelton. The headline of his rant on Shelton was “passion of the chris.” My loyal readers obviously remember my “epic” rant to my “clones” on april 9, 2006 where I anoint him as this. So, Romey, since your obviously a loyal reader of my tigers blog, you better start bringing it stronger on your show and stop copying this blog. Bring it rome, Brady,“OUT!”

With that, I'll leave you with this.

"Here he comes, from the frozen north
Big Red!

A mighty man from the
land of Thor
Big Red!

You pour in the goop
In the helmet thing
But you better watch out
When you pull the string!
Big Red!
Big Red!
Big Red!

He's big, big, big!
And he's red, red, red!
And that's how he got
to earn the name Big Red!
Big Red!
Big Red!"

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